I stare at the abyss – into the beyond itself. It’s dotted with these humongous gaseous balls of fire we were taught were millions of light-years away from us. The night sky is bursting with magic tonight. Here away from the commotion and pollution of the fast-paced city – everything is just so clear. Finally, I’m liberated from the distractions that often clog our being. In this place, I have simplified into my elemental state.
I’m lying on the back of a pickup truck we found in the parking lot. There’s some music blaring from a party nearby which fails to appease my senses. In front, stands a huge bright sign and some hooligans creating a ruckus near the front gate. It seems that I’ve outgrown these parties and the mundane. I crave adventures and this appears like the beginning of a new one. And to add to the charisma, everything around is beautiful, life is beautiful and the boy next to me is beautiful. We have completely left the world behind and are lost in the final frontier.
We have arrived at a place, which could only have been picked straight from a movie – more importantly, “The Lion King”. Huge boulders that shape the landscape, surround me on one side. On the other, lie the irrigated paddy fields lined with distant trees, giving an interesting texture to the place. The whole setup gives the impression of a marshland when viewed under the dim lighting of the cosmos. In the middle of it all, lies a cylindrical concrete platform with a flat top, teleporting us to something which bears the likeness of a combination of a Greek Amphitheatre and the Globe Theatre (where all of Shakespeare’s plays were staged). And as our feet found their way on this stage, moonlight turned into our personal spotlight.
There was an underlying feeling of being so removed from what we term as reality, mainly courtesy to the chemicals we were consuming. In this heightened state of mind, I found a much deeper association with the universe and nature. I could sense my connection with every being on this planet, the planet itself and I – inevitably being a part of the same circulatory system; with energy – flowing, transferring and changing form. As if the whole earth was one living, breathing unit.
We decided to cherish this and lay flat on our backs with our legs hanging from the edge of the stage, overlooking the paddy fields. Hanging from the edge of the cliff couldn’t make more sense. And right in front of my eyes, in that instant – Time & Space started unfolding like sheets of paper.
My mind wandered to the Greats; often labelled “Deranged” by the society. With our eyes fixed at the totality above, it started transforming into a picture beyond my expectations. The black isn’t black at all – it is shades of blue growing deeper till they reach and give the impression of being so dark, it could only be mistaken for black. These shades formed concentric circles – rotating ever so slowly. The yellow from the stars blending with the blue. Creating spirals across the sky. This is the point when we can see wind, not merely feel it. And just like that, I was living in The Starry Night – a painting by my favourite tortured artist. It felt like a privilege to witness and see the world through the eyes of someone you’ve admired for a long time.
The toads and frogs croaked on adding music to our internal melody. Mist poured in towards us from beyond the paddy fields, adding to the mystical charm of this scene. For this was not real, it couldn’t be, for we were art and mere subjects in one of those paintings of nature.
Nature has a way of creating us and everything around us like puzzle pieces which it perfectly combines – like some external force which has already decided where we fit in. Maybe it’s true that we don’t happen to be in a particular time and place (this analogy can be extended to life itself – we exist in a time period, in the particular place, particular ethnicity, procreated by a particular set of human beings, at that precise time, we are because it’s meant to be and its the way of things) without a definitive purpose being undertaken.
Yes, it was no accident that I was spending my New Year with this boy, who I’ve only begun to know recently. Never did I dream to find myself in so surreal a place, in such envious circumstances that it could make the coldest souls blush. His lips and mine haven’t parted for long tonight. Someone observing from the outside might claim that we have been consumed in the heat of passion. But between us, we are aware. Because the universe has conspired for these two individuals to meet and be present in this very place, on this very night. For his presence has considerably enhanced the intensity of my experience.
We have reached a point where there is no him and I, it feels like our personalities and souls are merging together. With each touch, I know him a bit more. We are understanding each other more and more every time our labios meet. And I don’t want it to stop. I want to uncover all of him tonight. I want to strip him and consume his pure and naked soul. And I never want my lips to part his. At this moment, I feel like we align, our thoughts align. For in this moment that seems endless – we have lost the need for words. We have resorted to telepathic communication. Because in this moment – We are infinite, we are one.
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Its wee hours somewhere between 2-3 in the morning and the world has become a blurry version of itself. But not the kind of blur you have when you are drunk or even stoned. This is a different kind of a blur – the good kind, the right kind. The kind that brings more clarity than reducing it. I feel like the nature’s child – I understand why we call her Mother Earth. I feel naked under this light. I feel the purest I’ve ever been – though defiled and degraded, I may be. This type of purity is a lone star in the pitch dark.
I want everyone to experience the way I do right now. I want to extend the nakedness I feel in the spiritual realm and in my soul to my physical self. I want to take off what little clothes adorn my body and give it the freedom it deserves. I want to jump into the muddy water – filled with algae and moss growth & be one with it – smearing it on my body. And cleansing myself under a waterfall.
But wait, did I see what I think I saw right now. The sky is forming patterns – the stars joining, like a cosmic game of join the dots. How can things be so fucking beautiful tonight? It’s almost unfair. And why does he look so charismatic? No one should have that right, with that adorable smoulder of his. I could cut his cheek for this. And just when my thoughts stopped creating ripples, the chaos ended and the process started becoming more streamlined.
My attention went to his face. It stands in contrast like a bright silhouette against the night sky. Brightness that was darker than the night. The whole of creation seemed to originate right where his face ended, him expelling out the macrocosm of reality with each breath. Our hands met, glowing in the moonlight. Yin and Yang, we thought. Light in the dark and darkness in light. The good in bad and the bad in good. Beauty, eternal beauty – he seems so much more than human tonight. And I wanted to dance with it, make love to it, worships it and commit an act of sacrilege against it – all at the same time.
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And so we danced, we didn’t need music; nature provided plenty. The atmosphere was getting colder, but my body hardly felt any. In fact, I took off my jacket. I was mostly bare – a tube top and a pair of shorts covering my skin (which could barely be called covering). And we kept dancing, nothing mattered anymore – the time had already frozen and we stood there witnessing the moonrise.
With him – everything was colourful in the monochromatic night. He was comfort, protection. He was safe. I’d forgo everything to live this moment for an eternity. He was truth and warmth. I was in the best place I could be, in his affable embrace. For a bit, I wondered about our friends who had walked the path of enlightenment and found us. For they could see lava springing from the floor. But their presence failed to affect us. We were in a bubble. External commotion couldn’t penetrate it.
Just as we were about to leave, my teeth clanked and my body shivered in the cold. We started towards our dorm room, his arm around me and in a split second, everything turned into a mosaic version of itself and I saw the life cycle of frogs turning into snakes and running away towards the sky from the trees. I think I just hallucinated for the very first time. We bid adieu to the portals of Narnia and ended the longest night of my life by slipping into sweet slumber in his arms.